I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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