Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
