if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
