I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
