dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
