alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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