Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
