God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
