Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
