help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
