At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
