my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
