think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
