Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
