Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize