Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
