i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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