why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
