Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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