have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
