He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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