i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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