Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize