i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this will be a night to untag.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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