I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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