I think im going to throw up on grandma
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
