can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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