Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
