I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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