I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
