you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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