You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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