she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well I just put wine in my tea
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
