just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
