Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
