I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
