The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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