just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
