his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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