Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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