My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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