I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
