Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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