the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
