you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is my gift to your gina
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
