she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
