How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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