i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
