Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
