I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
