I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dicks are not precious.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize