They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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