I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
