i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
