happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
