thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
