Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
