Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
