its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
