During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
