He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
