he shaved USA in his pubs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
