the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
how does that bad decision feel?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
