I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
