I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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