I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
